Special thanks go out
to the wonderful folks at
www.freerangegraphics.com! They provide
us with great animated "movies" to teach us about things like "Factory
Farming" (The Meatrix) where most milk, egg & meat products come from. As
well as the reasons we should shop for "Certified Organic" foods versus
factory farmed pesticide loaded and genetically engineered foods.
"The MEATRIX"
Click on image to view
Join Leo Hamderson (the pig)
Moopheous (the cow) and Chickity
(the chicken) as they help to
raise awareness of ...THE MEATRIX.
CLICK HERE FOR PART II:
"GROCERY STORE WARS"
Click on image to view
Join up with Obi-Ben Cannoli, Cuke Skywalker,
Princess Lettuce, Ham Solo,
Chewbroccoli and many more as
they fight Darth Tater and the Death Melon.
I
will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
The
garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I
do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee
table.
I
will not roll my toys behind the refrigerator.
I
must shake the rain water out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I
will not eat the cat's food, before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
clean carpet
in the house when I am about to throw up.
I
will not throw up in the car.
I
will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs etc.
I
will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or
my people
will think I am hemorrhaging.
I
will not lick my human's face after eating poop.
Kitty
box crunchies are not food.
I
will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the back yard after
processing.
The
diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I
will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
When
in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's
raining outside.
We
do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will
not steal my Mom's underwear off of the clothes line and dance all over
the back yard with it.
My
head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I
will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches for Mom's driver's
license and car registration.
Dog Property Laws...
If I
like it, it’s mine.
If it’s
in my mouth, it’s mine.
If I can
take it from you, it’s mine.
If I had
it a little while ago, it’s mine.
If it’s
mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If I’m
chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
If it
just looks like mine, it’s mine.
If I saw
it first, it’s mine.
If you
are playing with something and you put it down,
it
automatically becomes mine.
If it’s
broken…it’s yours!
Mind
Games Dogs Play With Humans...
1. After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU!
Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets.
This is especially good if it's right before your human's bedtime.
2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears
back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done
something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the
house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works
when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)
3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then
the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at
the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee', sniff
around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose
to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the
busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo'. Take your time and make sure
everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have
forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time
a strange human walks by.
7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing
fetch with the humans. Make them
go and
chase it once in a while.
8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at
the door. Instead, hide from
them, and
make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear
until one of your humans is
panic-stricken and close to tears).
9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk
as slowly as possible back to the door.
10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and
make the humans take you out for your morning business. As soon as you get
back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going
outside, this will drive them nuts!)
According to a 1993 study conducted by Kansas State University, back pains
are found to be second only to the common cold as the greatest cause of
lost workdays.
A
list of the seven wonders of the modern world was compiled after World War
One (after 1918). The motorcar was omitted from the list, instead naming:
(1) the radio; (2) the telephone; (3) the aero plane; (4) radium; (5)
anesthetics and antitoxins; (6) spectrum analysis; and (7) X rays. An
updated list undoubtedly will include the car, television, computer,
nuclear energy and nanotechnology.
Napoleon died of Arsenic poisoning? The wallpaper in his room was dyed
with Scheele's Green, a coloring pigment that had been used in fabrics and
wallpapers from around 1770. Named after the Swedish chemist who invented
it, the dye contained copper arsenite. In 1893 an Italian biochemist
called Gosio discovered that if wallpaper containing Scheele's Green
became damp, the mould converted the copper arsenite to a poisonous vapor
form of arsenic. Breathing the arsenic on its own might not have been
enough to kill Napoleon, but he already was ill with a stomach ulcer. On
the 5 May 1821, the arsenic tipped the scale against "the little
corporal."
Three quarters of fish caught are eaten - the rest is used to make things
such as glue, soap, margarine and fertilizer.
To make one kilo of honey bees have to visit 4 million flowers, traveling
a distance equal to 4 times around the earth.
Botanically speaking, the banana is an herb and the tomato is a fruit.
The scientific term for the common tomato is lycopersicon lycopersicum,
which means "wolf peach."
Over the last 40 years food production actually increased faster than
population.
Of the more than $50 billion worth of diet products sold every year,
almost $20 billion are spent on imitation fats and sugar substitutes.
Over 90% of all fish caught are caught in the northern hemisphere.
Vitamin A is known to prevent "night blindness," and carrots are loaded
with Vitamin A. One carrot provides more than 200% of recommended daily
intake of Vitamin A.
In the 1950's some 80% of chickens in Europe and the US were free-ranging.
By 1980, it was only 1%.
Aluminum cans were introduced in 1957 and two years later the first diet
cola was sold.
If the amount of water in your body is reduced by just 1%, you'll feel
thirsty.
Your mouth produces 1 liter (1.8 pints) of saliva a day.
Your heart beats 101,000 times a day. During your lifetime it will beat
about 3 billion times and pump about 400 million liters (800 million
pints) of blood.
A
person can live without food for about a month, but only about a week
without water.
Approximately two-thirds of a person's body weight is water. Blood is 92%
water. The brain is 75% water and muscles are 75% water.
Unless food is mixed with saliva you cannot taste it.
The liver is the largest of the body's internal organs. The skin is the
body's largest organ.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth.
There are more TV sets in the US than there are people in the UK.
For 3000 years, until 1883, hemp was the world's largest agricultural
crop, from which the majority of fabric, soap, paper, medicines, and oils
were produced.
Industrial hemp contains less than 1% of THC, the psychoactive component
of marijuana.
The names of all the continents end with the letter they start with.
Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than
15,000 meters.
Most of the air is about 78% nitrogen gas. Only 21% consists of oxygen.
The remaining 1% consists of carbon dioxide, argon, neon, helium, krypton,
hydrogen, xenon and ozone.
The typical bolt of lightning heats the atmosphere to 50,000 degrees
Fahrenheit.
In the 6th century BC Greek mathematician Pythagoras said that earth is
round - but few agreed with him. Greek astronomer Aristarchos said in the
3rd century BC that earth revolves around the sun - but the idea was not
accepted. In the 2nd century BC Greek astronomer Erastosthenes accurately
measured the distance around the earth at about 40,000 km (24,860 miles) -
but nobody believed him. In the 2nd century AD Greek astronomer Ptolemy
stated that earth was the centre of the universe - most people believed
him for the next 1,400 years.
The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth.
Earth orbits the sun at an average speed of 29.79 km/s (18.51 miles/sec),
or about 107 000 km/h (about 67,000 miles/hour).
Is a world population of 6 billion too many? Compare that with animals.
There are more than a million animal species. There are 6,000 species of
reptiles, 73,000 kinds of spiders, and 3,000 types of lice. For each
person there is about 200 million insects. The 4,600 kinds of mammals
represent a mere 0,3% of animals and the 9000 kinds of birds only 0,7%.
The most numerous bird specie is the red-billed quelea of southern Africa.
There are an estimated 100 trillion of them.
The bee hummingbird of Cuba is the smallest bird in the world.
75% of wild birds die before they are 6 months old.
Pork is the world's most widely-eaten meat.
Of the 650 types of leeches, only the Hirudo medicinalis is used for
medical treatments.
The heart of a blue whale is the size of a small car.
The tongue of a blue whale is as long as an elephant.
The Term “Dork”: Popular etymology would have it that this American slang
term comes from a term meaning a whale's penis.
That is half right. The term did originally mean a penis, but human not
cetacean. This slang sense dates to at least 1961 and is probably a
variant on dick or dirk (another name sometimes used to
personalize the phallus). The sense meaning a stupid or obnoxious person
follows a few years later, 1967.
The giant squid has the biggest eyes of any animal: its eyes measure 40 cm
(16 in) in diameter.
Sharks are immune to all known diseases.
There are 701 types of pure breed dogs.
There are more than 150 million sheep in Australia, a nation of 17 million
people.
New Zealand is home to 4 million people and 70 million sheep.
Computer Tech Calls
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
===============
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: ! ; Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No,wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on
my desk... sorry...
===============
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the
screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
===============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello.. I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me!
I'm not Bill Gates.
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I
try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and
placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't
find it...
===============
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you ha ve a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
===============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me
at the 7-11.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah..that one does work...
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a
capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
== =============
Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I! 'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
===============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
============ ===
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on
my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get
the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
printer.
Tech support: A re you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his
printer is working fine."
===============
And last but not least...
Tech support:"Okay Barb , let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Barb.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Barb.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
My UFO Sighting
I had originally filed a report with The National
UFO Reporting Center, just after the incident.
Today I noticed that it's disappeared from
their website, so I re-filed:
Ahh, Laughter...a sound you
hear coming frequently from me! I love funny things and I am very easily
humored. A good case of the giggles until the cheeks and stomach hurt,
have got to be some of the best "medical sessions" I've had! Please submit
any "good ones" that you may have...
BUILD A "HEALTHY" IMMUNE SYSTEM, AND DETOXIFY YOUR BODY DAILY!
That Legal, F.D.A Stuff:
Disclaimer...
You should always consult with a healthcare professional before taking any
dietary, nutritional, herbal or homeopathic supplement. All information
contained on this web site is for informational purposes only. The United
States Food and Drug Administration has not evaluated the statements made
on this web site. Therefore, the information provided on this web site is
not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any condition or disease
and should not be used as a substitute for your own Health Care Provider's
advice.
